I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
