Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize