pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
