Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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