I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
