Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
