yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
