there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
