Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
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