Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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