My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
