Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
