You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Randomize
