I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
