meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
