I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
