my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
