all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
