that's an acceptable place to lick
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
