I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
