My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
