i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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