I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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