do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
