Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
