so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
