is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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