I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize
