im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
