morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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