Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize