Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I am spending my child support on dildos
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
