Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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