she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize