apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
