Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
