Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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