A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
