Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
