i don't like sucking hair
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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