i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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