Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
