I think my vagina is haunted
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
