I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
