I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
