i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
