Don't you send me to vm
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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