someone threw a dead crab at me
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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