69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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