There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize