bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Soap is not a condiment
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
