Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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