69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
