If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
