Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
where am i from again
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Randomize
