she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
