I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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