mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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