I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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