What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
