I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
