i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
She announced her abortion via fbk
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
