i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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