i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
