NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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