i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
