you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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