I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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