Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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